From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

W Ketchup Officially Denounced

Eagle Bridge, NY — September 24, 2004 — W Ketchup today confirms media reports that it has been officially denounced by Communists for Kerry. Referring to W Ketchup as “shameless bourgeois propaganda,” Comrade J.F. Che, Great Leader and Field Commander of Communists for Kerry, charged “the sensitive young tomatoes, along with the more mature, hardened plants, lie together in heaps of mangled tomato paste, in the poorly air-conditioned warehouses with no plant food or water, being sadistically tortured by the American capitalist ketchup makers.”

W Ketchup emphatically rejects the irresponsible and baseless accusations of Comrade Che, and reaffirms that all tomatoes are given the benefit of the Geneva Convention before they are processed into smooth, delicious, W Ketchup. CEO Dan Oliver commented: “We will act vigorously to defend ourselves against the socialist lies being spread by Comrade Che and his band of red-shirt wearing agitators.”

Uh oh, looks like the makers of my favorite Red Sauce have run afoul of my favorite Reds.