This just in from the Department of Oh, For Crying Out Loud...

269?

Gah! I was hoping (against hope) that this would be a clean decision. Stayed up til midnight and things seemed to be progressing well. Woke up at 5am and couldn't resist flicking on the tv. 269, cripes.

It seems Ohio's is positioning itself to be this election's Florida. 136,221 difference in Ohio, so Senator Kerry is pinning his hopes on it. But with a 121,818 difference in PA, and all the silliness that was going on in PA, especially in Philly, I'm not sure if getting into a pissing contest would serve the Senator well. Then again, President Bush, and Republicans in general, seem to go out of their way to be statesmenlike and let the Democrats rant and rave and carry on.

I say, screw that. If Senator Kerry's team goes into Ohio (hmm, including the counties that had fictional characters and dead people registered and the ones with more registered voters than people eligible to vote) President Bush's team should go into PA.

Speaking of PA, I wonder how many of the machines in Philly came pre-loaded with votes. I'd like to think they weren't able to rack up an extra couple 100k, but who knows. Hopefully it wasn't as widespread. For one, it's depressingly blatant. For two, it'd be next to impossile to prove out. At least as far as catching all the bogus votes goes.

Luckily folks were able to browbeat Governor Rendell into not disenfranchising the military vote, like he was trying his damndest to do. I wonder if I managed to get the incarcerated voters to vote.

Today's The Day

Today's the day to get out there and vote (for Bush). Now, I'm not going to tell you how to vote (for Bush) or who you should vote for (Bush). And I don't really care who you vote for (Bush). Lot's of brave men and women have fought, bled and died to protect your right to vote (for Bush). So get out there and do you part and vote (for Bush). I don't want to hear about the rain wherever it is you go to vote (for Bush). I don't want to hear about the cold it is wherever is you go to vote (for Bush). I don't want to hear about the lines to vote (for Bush).

Not when people in Afghanistan are braving bombings, shootings, long long lines, long long long walks to the polling places. Afghan men and women are going to great lengths to exercise their right to vote. Maybe you should remember that when you go out to vote (for Bush) today.

And maybe you should also remember that it's a right that the Afghan people have thanks to President Bush. And that in January the Iraqi people will be exercising their right to vote. Again, a right they have thanks to President Bush and not thanks to Senator Kerry.

Now get out there and vote (for Bush).

Oh, and one last thing. If you're fictional, dead, a multiple vote voter, or flatout stupid... please don't vote. I'm tired of having my vote cancelled out by you. I'm tired of being disenfranchised by you.

This just in from the Department of Disembodied Voters...

Polls Suggest Higher Voter Turnout Likely

(AP) -- WASHINGTON - Voter turnout is likely to be higher than in recent presidential elections — especially among young voters — in a very close race, weekend polls suggest. Those polls suggest the race is very close nationally with some polls showing President Bush and Democratic Sen. John Kerry even and another showing Bush slightly ahead.

The big question I have is... of this high voter turnout, how many are from actual voters? Not multiple voters. Not fictional characters. Not dead people. Not pets.

Said it before and I'll say it again. This one's gonna be messier than 2000.

This just in from the Department of Free Speech...

Colo. Teacher Kicks Student for GOP Shirt

(AP) "I acted entirely inappropriately by kicking you, giving vent to a thoughtless knee-jerk political reaction that should never have happened," she wrote. "Before the incident, I did not know you and that you are a Fort Lewis student."

That was my favorite quote from the article. Which makes me wonder, would it have been okay to kick the kid if he hadn't been a student?

Sorry about being away...

Been busier than a one-handed paperhanger of late.